Eternal Service
by Artemius
Summary: Sorry to do this to you guys, but the idea wouldn't go away. So here's a sad little one shot for you. How would Lissa go on without Rose? Lissa's POV Html has been fixed.


I went down the stone steps, feeling strangely detached from my body. Adrian and Christian were on either side of me, both poised as though to catch me if I fell. I was grateful for that. I felt hard and brittle. Like if I hit the floor I would shatter into a million pieces. Just like my heart already had.

I didn't know who had planned the ceremony. Back at the first one I attended, I assumed that the queen was in charge. But I hadn't done this. I hadn't done much of anything except follow Christian's gentle direction since he'd found me, huddled on the pavement over her body.

I knew I was in shock. I had heard people around me say that I would come around in time. I didn't want to come around. I wanted to stay in this numb, detached state. Because I knew that as soon as I started to feel again, it would be so much worse. I would have to face the fact that my best friend, the person I loved more than anyone else in the world, was dead.

I remember her telling me that when she was in jail for killing Tatiana, the thing she had hated the most was that her death was penciled onto some calendar. She hadn't wanted to die like that. Well, she'd gotten her wish. No one had been expecting this. Even now, nobody else knew what really happened that night.

I knew, and it was eating me up. I would tell Christian someday, when I found my voice again. Dimitri, too, would have to know. I told myself I was giving him time to process things. Right now he was just a broken shell. I doubted he'd understand anything I tried to tell him. But that wasn't the real reason I was keeping silent. The truth was, I dreaded telling him. He wouldn't blame me; I already knew that, and it only made it worse. Because it was all my fault.

What drives the queen of the Moroi to sneak out of her own Court and go to college without telling anyone? Spirit, of course. That sweet siren's call that I had been too weak to resist. A little careful compulsion had gotten me out of Court without anyone knowing I was leaving, at least no one who would remember seeing me go.

Dhampirs have a higher resistance to compulsion than humans, but I was able to take them by surprise. Everyone thought that I had given up the magic. After a few dangerous outbursts I'd gone back on my antidepressants in order to continue fulfilling my duties as queen. But it was too hard to live without spirit. Almost no one knew that I'd quit taking my pills. But Rose had known.

She'd known and she somehow figured out what I'd done. She even guessed that I'd gone back to Lehigh, purposefully leaving my protection detail behind so that for one day I could pretend to be a normal college student. At least, I assumed that's how she found me. I never got the chance to ask her.

A Strigoi had grabbed me as I walked home that night. I didn't know if he had been watching for the queen of the Moroi or if he just grabbed a random victim. I suppose it didn't matter either way. I thought that I was about to die, but then there she was. I wasn't even that surprised. Where else would she be when I was in trouble? Rose would never let anything happen to me.

She charged down the Strigoi, who tossed me aside in order to deal with the more immediate threat. My head cracked into the alley wall and everything went black.

When I woke up, the first thing I saw was the Strigoi, lying on the ground with Rose's stake through his heart. I didn't bat an eye at the sight. Of course he was dead. The idea that Rose could actually lose a fight had become unthinkable to me. Then I wondered why I was lying on the ground unconscious if she had won.

I think I knew the truth even before I sat up and saw her. I ignored the pool of blood spreading across the alley as I scrambled over to her. Her entire stomach was torn open, but that was okay. I could fix that. I could fix anything. I put my hands on her and reached for spirit.

Except nothing happened. Oh, spirit came. I'd been off the pills long enough to have complete control of my magic again. But Rose didn't heal. The wounds didn't close, her eyes didn't open, her chest didn't move. Because I'd been out too long. I was too late, and my best friend was dead.

Christian gave me a little nudge, bringing me back to the present. It was my turn to walk up to the fire and pour my wine in. I glanced around the crowd as I made my way forward. Despite the masks, I recognized most of them. All proper Moroi royalty, as they should be. Only one dhampir had ever been brash enough to sneak into this elite gathering. And now she was gone forever. As I poured my wine into the flames, I couldn't think of a single reason not to throw myself in after it.

_~ES~_

The next night, I crept out of bed and made my way to her grave. I was grateful for the standard guardian epitaph. How could I have picked something to carve into that stone? How could one cliched phrase sum up the essence of the most amazing person I'd ever known? The few words on the marker didn't begin to cover it. And yet, I could think of no one that they applied to more.

I knelt beside the fresh dirt and pulled the pill bottle out of my pocket. My hands weren't steady as I unscrewed the cap, but I didn't drop a single pill as I dumped them all out into my palm. It seemed like a fitting way to go. Maybe if I'd never stopped taking them in the first place she'd still be alive.

_Come on, Liss. Don't do this._

I jerked my head up at that voice. The one sound I wanted to hear more than anything else in the world. Adrian had told me about hearing his aunt's voice. I understood now what he meant about it sounding like her and yet not like her. The voice in my head sounded exactly like Rose, down to the last nuance. But it wasn't her. I would never hear her again. Not in this life. But if I took the pills, we could be together again.

_And we will be, someday. But not today. Not like this._

The tears poured down my face and my hands trembled as I listened to that beautiful voice. Then slowly, agonizingly, I carefully dumped all the pills back into the bottle except one. I couldn't do this to her. She had died to save me. I couldn't make her sacrifice worthless. I had to live. I had to be the queen she'd always believed I could be.

I took the single pill, the lump in my throat making it almost impossible to swallow. "I can do this," I whispered. "I can make you proud."

_You already have._

Still looking out for me." I couldn't read her tombstone through the tears in my eyes. I reached out and traced the letters instead. "Yeah, they suit you." I stood up and braced myself to face the world again. To honor the dead, I would have to rejoin the living.

_Rosemarie Hathaway_  
_1990-2012_  
_Eternal Service_


End file.
